I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
