Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
