I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
