You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
She needs sedatives and a leash
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
