Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
