hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
