Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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