He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
