I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize