3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
