He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
