I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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