I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i think i just lost a toe
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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