ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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