why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
