tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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