There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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