He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
