I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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