Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
