I feel great
I just peed on a car
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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