I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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