Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
