You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
