winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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