I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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