So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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