did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
