How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
