Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
