How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
