i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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