I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
