I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
