every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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