so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
