Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
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