Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
