I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
