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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.

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• (719): View more from Colorado

  I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend

  (917): View more from New York City

  Yeah but those French chicks did get naked

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil

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• (347): View more from New York

  There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.

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• (727): View more from Florida

  I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I think I accidentally invented a religion.

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point

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• (914): View more from New York

  Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.

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