Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
