my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
