But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
