true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
