4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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