The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
