just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize