why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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