I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
