...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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