I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
