You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
