I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
