Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
