Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He's a Shit stain on my heart
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
