I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
