hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I could fuck to npr.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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