Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize