she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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