Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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