True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
