Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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