What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
