so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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