You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
