I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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