Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
