I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
