Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
