Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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