Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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