I accidentally burped into my bong.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize