You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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