so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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