I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize