dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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