i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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