Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
