he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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