you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It's blow job season.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
